Love, especially, love between lovers is one of the prime and most common recurring themes in modern pop arts. The popularity of love, or more specifically, passionate love, somehow blurs the true meaning of it. So, what is the true meaning or essence of love? Does anyone try giving us a thorough explanation about love? In 1973, John Lee published a book called, The Colors of Love, in which he tries to associate different styles of love with the color wheel.
According to Lee, there are three primary styles of love: eros, ludos, and storge and the book also explained that the primary colors of love can form secondary colors of love when blended together, ie, totally six different styles of love.
Lee’s explanation towards different styles of love is then called the colors of love, a theory of love that identifies six different styles of love. The theory can get you insight into your life, especially if you have the same failed relationship over and over. Naturally, your attitude toward love and method of loving someone will have an impact on the relationship. Likewise, your partner's style of love also has an effect on the romantic relationship. It takes two to tango, after all.
Eros Love
In the Colors of Love, the Eros style of love consists of passion, intimacy, intensity, physical attraction, and beauty. Erotic lovers tend to fall in love at first sight or choose their partners by chemistry. Those of the eros love style may also use pet names and perceive marriage as an extended honeymoon. To the people on the outside looking in at an erotic relationship, they usually believe that the two are unrealistic and living in a fantasy world. In a way they are, because of how intense, passionate, and idealistic eros love is.
In the Colors of Love, the Eros style of love consists of passion, intimacy, intensity, physical attraction, and beauty. Erotic lovers tend to fall in love at first sight or choose their partners by chemistry. Those of the eros love style may also use pet names and perceive marriage as an extended honeymoon. To the people on the outside looking in at an erotic relationship, they usually believe that the two are unrealistic and living in a fantasy world. In a way they are, because of how intense, passionate, and idealistic eros love is.
Due to the intensity of the idealistic views of the erotic lover, she has a harder time dealing with her partner's imperfections once the passion finally wears off. As a result of the desire for perfection, someone with an eros love style may feel empty, depressed, and unsatisfied.
Ludus Love
According to the Colors of Love, ludus love consists of games, challenges, and fun. Ludic lovers are commonly referred to as players. This is because people who have a ludus love style tend to select partners by playing the field, have as much fun as possible, be more concerned with quantity of relationships over quality, view sex as mere fun and games, and recuperate from breakups quickly.
According to the Colors of Love, ludus love consists of games, challenges, and fun. Ludic lovers are commonly referred to as players. This is because people who have a ludus love style tend to select partners by playing the field, have as much fun as possible, be more concerned with quantity of relationships over quality, view sex as mere fun and games, and recuperate from breakups quickly.
Generally, ludic lovers are opposed to the thought of being tied down. To them marriage is a trap. In addition, people who have a ludus love type cheat on their lovers more often than others. In extreme cases, ludic lovers can be sex addicts. More men than women have a ludus love style, but it's not impossible to come across a ludic woman.
An advantage to being a ludic lover is that you are never hurt, because you are so wary of allowing someone to become close to you. The downside is that you can never experience the great depth of feeling and love that an erotic lover undergos, because you are unwilling to take risks or bond with someone.
John Lee's Colors of Love defines storge love as a friendship that evolved into a relationship. Unlike erotic lovers, storgic partners neither base the relationship on passion nor move too quickly. It is common for storgic lovers to be unable to recognize the moment their friendship turned into a romantic relationship. They are also known for valuing trust and commitment, respecting and understanding their partners, and regarding their significant others as best friends. In essence, storge love is a blending of friendship and love.
Sometimes, storgic lovers must face the lack of passion in their relationships. Fortunately, you can always ignite the flames of desire in a romantic relationship.
Pragma Love
In the Colors of Love, pragma love is explained as a calculating, realistic, and logical approach to romantic relationships. Whereas the heart rules in erotic lovers, the head governs for pragmatic lovers. People with a pragmatic approach to love search for value in potential partners, maintain realistic and rational expectations, and crave to work with their significant others toward a common goal.
In the Colors of Love, pragma love is explained as a calculating, realistic, and logical approach to romantic relationships. Whereas the heart rules in erotic lovers, the head governs for pragmatic lovers. People with a pragmatic approach to love search for value in potential partners, maintain realistic and rational expectations, and crave to work with their significant others toward a common goal.
In societies where marriages are arranged, people tend to have a pragmatic love style, because neither passion nor friendship comes before the marriage. The beginning is the commitment. It is up to the couple to either take things further or maintain a partnership, in which they work toward the same goal as a team.
Mania Love
The next type of love covered in the Colors of Love is mania love. Manic love is an obsessive type of love. Usually, manic lovers have low self esteem, believe that love will cure their self esteem issues, depend on others for happiness, perceive love as rescuing them, and think that they need their lovers.
The next type of love covered in the Colors of Love is mania love. Manic love is an obsessive type of love. Usually, manic lovers have low self esteem, believe that love will cure their self esteem issues, depend on others for happiness, perceive love as rescuing them, and think that they need their lovers.
Manic lovers are also inclined to speak of their significant others in superlatives and possessives, envision marriage as ownership instead of partnership, view children as competition or substitutes, and believe that sex is an affirmation of love. Manic lovers love intensely, but experience severe lows due to extreme insecurity, jealousy, and anxiety. In severe cases, manic lovers may commit crimes, such as rape, murder, stalking, and more. They may even commit suicide.
Agape Love
Agape love is synonymous with selfless love. Agapic lovers are self-sacrificing, faithful, patient, and understanding. Agapic lovers are disposed to believe sex is very special, to identify their lovers as blessings, and to never expect personal gain or reward.
Agape love is synonymous with selfless love. Agapic lovers are self-sacrificing, faithful, patient, and understanding. Agapic lovers are disposed to believe sex is very special, to identify their lovers as blessings, and to never expect personal gain or reward.
The downside of agape love is that you forget your own needs and wants. Psychologically, agape love is actually considered unhealthy for this reason. There is nothing wrong with giving to your partner without expecting anything in return, but when you take it to the extreme and allow yourself to be used it can become a problem. Even if you are not being walked all over, you may be suppressing certain needs for the sake of someone else. Philosophically and religiously, agape love may be considered admirable, because of the self-sacrificing nature of it.
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